Letters In The Mailbox
by J. L. Collins
Summary: The letter that started it all; Jacob is going to be getting married. Bella has to decide if she can pick up the pieces one last time from Edward, in order to be there for her best friend. She admits she's selfish in her mission there. No one's perfect.
1. Part 1

_This was where people learned to call me and you a beautiful tragedy. _

_Where we became one of those literary legends that you obsess over. _

_From the way I sat around for the longest time thinking up plans for you and I- from me trying to rescue you in as many ways as you'd let me...to the way you rejected the only healthy thing you had going for you, repeatedly. _

_And though it's been a while since I've seen you and we've both grown up, I wanted to tell you something._

_And it's something that you've known since you left everything behind. _

_We were never a tragedy to begin with. _

_What was once the only thing that seemed to get us both through the days, was something completely real._

_Unfortunately, real is something that you weren't willing to invest in. You wanted a make-believe fantasy that would make one hell of a creepy fairy-tale. But I figured that you would soon grow up and come to the realization that the only thing worth 'living' for was life. If you didn't manage to have yours taken prematurely by your Prince Charming. _

_I even gave myself an ultimatum- to hold out for at least four years before I completely gave up on the hope that you'd finally come back and tell me you wanted me and not him. That you would choose me and not him. It was a dumb thing to do, yeah I know. I basically set myself up for failure with that one. But I had to try and you know how annoyingly persistent I can be. _

_The four-year mark came without any special fanfare. In fact, I was the only one who knew about it- I managed to keep it from the guys somehow. Even though it was all I could think about for a week. _

_What's kind of ironic is that my Dad went fishing with Charlie that day. And he mentioned to me that you were working at that book publishing place where you were just promoted. Charlie said that he knew you missed me, and really I couldn't help but laugh. Sure you missed me, it's hard to go from being best friends with someone to never seeing or hearing from them- I'd know. I wondered if you ever asked him about me but I knew better. I have to wonder how many times you've skipped out on saying my name outloud...and how many times you've cringed when you've heard it spoken. Just like how it was with him. _

_I heard once that if you say a word enough times in a row, it would start to lose it's meaning. That night I decided to test out that theory. _

_And you know what? Whoever said that is a complete jackass._

_You know, there were times when I'd get so frustrated with the blatantly obvious way we felt about each other that I wanted to scream. I mean I'm talking screaming like an pissy five year-old kind of screaming. Those were the bad days. _

_But man, I really lived for the good days. Where you'd let me hold your hand when we'd walk down the beach. When I could get you to laugh just my giving you one of my 'weird' looks. You'd kind of forget about all the bad stuff and just hang out with me; it didn't matter where or why you were there. You just were. _

_Even after he came back and decided to ruin everything I had worked so hard to put back together...those were a lot of pieces too...it wasn't so bad. There were a few good moments when it was just us two. And that's all it took. It was more painful yeah, because at the end of the day I knew that no matter what happened between us, you'd go right back to his dead arms like it never happened. And that you'd feel guilty about it too. _

_It wouldn't have mattered to me though, Bella. I would've done anything it took to make sure you stayed alive and human. I would've even lowered myself to sharing, if you needed me to. That's probably not what you wanted to hear, right? _

_Well, the fact is that it's the damn truth. I didn't even care if you didn't want to be with me...or near me. I just needed to know that you weren't selfish and stupid enough to do something like literally throwing your life away. I told myself that if you wanted to get married to that bastard and run away and go to college and never look back, I'd be okay with it as long as you promised to stay alive._

_And I've kept my promise, Bella. I really have. _

_Maybe this is a thank-you note too. When you left that day, telling me that you and him weren't going to get married until after you were done with school, at first I figured it meant that you'd eventually have him turn you. I thought that you were going to try to be sneaky about it, not giving me any time to say otherwise or to stall. _

_But then you promised that you weren't going to become of them ever and I cried Bella...I cried. All I could think was that you would stay 'you' and it would be good enough for me. I have to admit that at that point, I really had some hope left in me for us. _

_Ever heard that song "With or Without You," by U2? That was kind of like my mantra for those few years afterwards. I would hear about you through the grapevine and all of the sudden I would get that fiery feeling like maybe it was a sign. And then I would hear that song and it would only add fuel to the fire. _

_I'm not sure if you knew this but I even drove me and Embry all the way to come see you one time. Of course, Embry had no idea where the heck we were going, but neither one of us had imprints to worry about- so we left. It took us over a week to get all the way over there to New York. We stopped a lot for food and to check out some of the sights across the country. There were even some really cool people we ran into along the way. You would've loved it, seriously. _

_When we actually got into New York, I told Embry what my intentions were and of course, he flipped. He didn't think it was a good idea...especially if you'd been turned and didn't want anyone to know. Maybe he was right, but I had to know and I couldn't just turn back then. _

_You were standing outside that little coffee shop by the main campus, leaning up against the counter counting out change for the cashier guy. I smiled hoping that you'd see me and that would be all it took. You'd run across the street and hop over the benches to hug me and tell me you missed me. Of course that was a dumb thing to think- you probably couldn't see me from where I was standing anyway. _

_I could smell him getting closer and judging by the stench, he was coming up behind me, not you. _

_'What are you doing, Jacob?' he asked pretty point-blank. I didn't even have time to say anything before he read the hurt and hope in my mind, all the past memories were there for his viewing pleasure. That asshole actually had the nerve to laugh at me. He stood up straight as a board and tipped his head as if he were some prince or something. _

_'Bella is very happy right now. She's excelling in her classes, she's made a few new friends apart from us. She does still think of you from time to time, I believe. But, I wouldn't let that go to your head. It's best that you leave now, before you make my life more difficult than it needs to be.' He pointed to the people around us- witnesses, because he could see how completely furious I was. _

_But I looked at you one last time...you in your pretty green top and your hair pulled up in some sort of ponytail thing. _

_He was right, you were happy. And who was I to take that away from you? Besides, that's all that I ever wanted for you, really. _

_So I left...and I never thought about visiting you after that. _

_It's been seven years since I've spoken to you face to face. And almost five years since I've spoken to you over the phone or some other way. _

_There have been so many times where I've wanted to talk to you. To get your advice on something, to tell you about some ridiculous thing that happened. _

_In the end, I could never bring myself to do it. Always waiting for you to first. _

_Now I'm writing to tell you that I've finally given in. I guess you were right- your choice was always him. _

_To put it so that it's clear; I've moved on. So by the time you get this I'll be asking Marie to marry me. _

_And although you wouldn't want me to be at your eventual wedding or whatever it is you have planned...I want you to be at mine. _

_And I know you don't want to draw attention to yourself. And you may not even want to talk to me, let's be honest. _

_But Bells, I'm asking you to please be there for me. I don't think I can go through it without at least talking to you first. _

_Please._

_-Jacob_

The paper. It was on the tiled floor before she even noticed it had fallen out of her hand. The scrawled handwriting that had not changed in the seven years since she had seen it last. The last few lines of the letter that begged her to show up to his future wedding. And out of all of the chaotic elements of the letter, a few words stood out: _Marie_,_ marry me_,_ Bells_ and _please_.

Standing up, she realized, was not the best idea as the dizzying feeling overtook her body in waves. Her grasp on the counter tightened as the feeling of drowning washed over her. She steadied herself, trying to take in deep breaths as the knowledge that Jacob was going to be asking another woman to marry him...started to sink in.

Marie. There was a woman she worked with named Marie. Who was also a bitch...which may or may not be a coincidence.

But more importantly, she hadn't heard anyone call her Bells in a very, very long time. And reading her name like that sent a shiver down her spine as if she were being haunted by a ghost.

Little did Jacob know it, but she hadn't been a very happy person for a while now. The thought that maybe all of this mess that she had found herself in could've been prevented, it really tore through Bella. She knew it all along, of course. Because deep down under all of the caution tape that was used to mend herself back up (_again_) she

knew where her heart's loyalties really lie.

No one could believe it- that Edward had been the one to leave her again. Only after her telling him to leave her the hell alone and go after the other girl. The one that he was _really_ destined to be with.

Bella wasn't sure when it happened, sometime while she was studying in France for a semester. Edward stayed behind because she wanted to see the country on her own. So really this too, was also her fault.

According to Alice (_who didn't want to relay the details in the first place_), there was another vampire who showed up to the Cullen's home in Syracuse. She was looking for Edward; she had to see him but wouldn't let on as to why. No one gave her the information she wanted so she decided to go hunt him herself. Edward was waiting for her when she had finally showed up to their townhouse. He couldn't read her mind, just like he couldn't read Bella's. The difference with her was that he was being drawn to her and he had no idea why No blood thirst, no anything. Just the profoud feeling of needing to be by her side. And when he finally ran into her on campus one rainy day, 'it was almost like the final piece of the puzzle fitting together,' his words, not hers.

Her name is Seline Morgan, a vampire who actually remembed Edward from her human life. The rest of the story is all very charming and endearing. One that she cannot dare venture deeper into.

Especially the part where Edward begged Bella to stay, saying he could turn her down, he wanted Bella and not her. She almost believed him too, afterall, he is a very convincing liar. Until Bella caught them staring at each other so intimately it was shameful.

After that, she decided to count her losses. She packed her things and moved in with a good friend from school. She learned how to meditate which she did often, to try not to think of what had happened. She even learned how to fix the toilet when it was running too long. All by herself.

There were far more bad days than good at that point. She had only just started recuperating before she got the letter from Jacob.

_'Oh Jake, what did I do? What did I do...'_ she thought, running her hand through her hair.

It's not as if she didn't think about Jake 24/7- it was kind of impossible not to. Thoughts of him were always there, even when she was still with Edward. She would think about the physical distance between them. The emotional closeness that they still shared, she just knew it. He had no idea how often she thought of him. His smile, his concerned look he only reserved for her when she had gone too long without speaking...the way his skin was aflame all the time and how it lit a fire deep within her when they accidentally brushed against each other. How he would try to explain the different parts of the Rabbit and how they all worked together. His hair pulled back. His hair cropped short. His hair growing back all shaggy. How he licked his lips when he was professing his love to her on First Beach.

No, those things weren't lost on her. When it was just her, and she was supposed to be going through the new manuscripts...these clips would play on an endless loop.

Grabbing a pen and her yellow tablet of paper, Bella headed back to her kitchen to sit at the small table...

_Jake,_

_Ever hear of the song "Set Fire To The Third Bar," by Snow Patrol? If not, you should really listen to it sometime. _

_Because that's been my mantra for the past few years. _

_I don't even...I don't even know what to write here. On this ugly yellow paper (sorry for that.)_

_I miss you and I know it's not enough and it's never going to be enough and it's...I can't even tell you how sorry I am. For everything I put you through. I only wish that I saw my mistake earlier on. Me and Edward? Yeah that didn't happen...it's a really long story that no one wants to hear me tell. I tend to throw things when I do. _

_I guess it's time for me to make the visit back to Forks. And to see my Dad. I haven't seen him since he came over to have Thanksgiving with me last year._

_So it's going to be matrimony for you, huh? I hope that she's everything that you deserve, which you know is a lot. It's kind of insane to think of you getting married. I know you haven't been sixteen in a long time, but to me...a part of you always will be. _

_I think I'll be coming to Washington within the next couple of weeks- I needed a break from New York anyway. So I will see you once I do._

_I can't wait. _

_-Bella_


	2. Part 2

**A/N: This work of fiction is not meant to be a copyright infringement on Stephanie Meyer or her writing.**

**Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you for the reviews so far! This is meant to be a five-part story for all that were inquiring. : )**

**Please continue to let me know what you think of it, as it progresses.**

He hung out of their front doorway, reaching over for the flap to the rusted-through mailbox. He could almost. just. reach...

"Got it," he exclaimed, the couple of envelopes dangling haphazardly from in-between his fingers.

He heard his Dad chuckle behind him and could almost feel his eyes rolling.

"What'd we get?" Billy asked him, rolling over to quickly snatch the mail from Jacob.

"No idea," he replied walking back towards the kitchen where there was a bowl of cereal practically singing for him to devour it.

His father sighed after shuffling through the mail, causing Jacob to pause for a moment and look back. He halfway pivoted back towards his breakfast before-

"There's something here for you," Billy said, adding "It's addressed from New York."

* * *

He sits in stunned silence, not quite sure what he should do with the neatly-written on piece of paper in his hand. Half of him wants to do something overly-dramatic like set fire to it and possibly spit on it's burnt ashes. The other, less-dramatic half of him thinks he really has some explaining to do, especially since he never thought in a million years that she would actually come back simply because he asked. He manages to think '_this may just work_...'

Although it's a short letter and very to the point, he has to wonder about the millions of other words that are there, written in between the sentences she chose to let him see. Bella's not one to put her heart on her sleeve when it comes to words, he remembers. His eyes skim over the lines again.

_Me and Edward? Yeah, that didn't happen..._

His breath caught in his throat when he first read that line. The questions swirled around in his head because he wasn't sure what the hell she meant exactly and man, is she _for real_? Could it really be possible that the infamous duo of Bella and Edward had somehow cracked it's pretty, delicate shell?

And if it _was_ true, what would that mean for him? Would it even matter to him? Because in all honestly, Jacob knew that it shouldn't. He also knew that is was impossible to completely throw all feelings for her aside, as much as he wanted to. Not many people had a pull on him like she did.

Bella would be coming back to Forks, sometime in the near future...there was no questioning that.

The only real question is, is he ready to see her?

* * *

"Please?" she begged the pixie of a girl who was sitting in front of her. "Just this one time, Alice?"

Alice glared up at her.

"No, I'm sorry but no. I made a promise to you not so long ago Bella, about this very thing. So as long as I see that you're not dying or mortally wounded in the future, it's a _no_." Bella sunk back down to the couch beside her, in defeat. Leave it to Alice to be the more ethical one between a vampire and a human.

She knew what she had Alice swear to her; that she wouldn't let her know about her future unless it was extremely important...thus the mortally wounded bit. And it was pretty rude to call her out of the blue, when she knew that her and Jasper were on their annual 'secret' vacation where they never told anyone where they went- they just went... Luckily for Bella, Alice was ready to head back home when she got the distressed call from her. Alice knew her very well and came straight to her apartment, just in time for Bella to fall apart in her best friend's arms. Thank God for stain removal pens- if it weren't for hers, Alice's designer blouse would've been ruined with smeared mascara spots.

'_I must've sounded pretty messed up_...' she thought, frowning at her always easy-to-read vulnerabilities.

It was hard, she had to admit, still dealing with Edward leaving her for another woman...learning to deal with it kindly enough to not want to scream at him anytime she ran into him, (which seemed to be all too often.) The hole that she used to have when she was younger, it had been filled right back up with his presence once she brought him back from Italy. When he left _this_ time, the hole was no longer there for him to rip himself out of; Bella realized that _that_ whole thing was in her head.

The truth of the matter was that she was thinking about having her own freedom, herself. Freedom to go do what she wanted, without someone having to accompany her, without someone keeping a watchful eye on her like a child. She loved Edward deeply, but once she got over the fact that yes, he was all hers and _yes_ he was handsome and mysterious and completely in love with her...the surface under which his flaws had been hiding was wiped clean. She just never had an issue with them beforehand because she was so wrapped up in every good part of him. Of course, even still she sees that his good qualities far outweigh the lesser desirable ones. Which also makes it more difficult to have given him up, even if it were for his own supposed happiness.

Bella really needed to smack the constant martyr in her. Really hard, too.

"Okay, here's what I think you should do. You know how you have to go back and deal with everything out in the open? You need to really pull yourself together, to see what kind of _thing_ Jacob has going on this Marie woman-"

"Wait-wait wait, what? I'm not going to trying to break up Jake and any woman he's going to marry. That would be horrendous of me!" Bella shrieked, still in shock over the fact that he was indeed going to be proposing to another woman. When deep down, she always thought that it'd be-

"No Bella, not breaking up...just, defining how much she really means to him. You do want to see if there's still something between you and him...right?"

Alice asked, her eyebrows raised. Bella could feel the blush rushing up in her cheeks. She couldn't really deny that part, even though she was very worried that she will be too late, she can't also shake this feeling of hope that maybe she has a small chance with him.

"Uh-huh. It's settled then; we're going to send you on a plane ride this weekend, to give you enough time to call Val and let her know you'll be taking an extended vacation. Then it's hello, Washington!" Alice said, smiling at the last part. "I really do miss it, believe it or not...although the clothing selection was nothing compared to being able to shop in New York City any time I'd like." She rose up and leaned in to pull Bella up off of the couch as well.

"I'm not going to regret this am I?" Bella mumbled, sounding pretty miserable about even thinking any thoughts of pulling Jacob away from some other lucky girl. Alice patted her hand.

"No future prophesizing your life, remember?" she answered, eyeing the outfit Bella was in.

She only nodded, biting her lip in frustration from this new anxiety. Would she or wouldn't she? If Jacob decided on his own that he would rather be with his high-school love than a possibly more mature and better relationship...it wouldn't be her fault, right? And how could she possibly even think that the obvious (hindsight really is 20/20) love they felt for each other was just a by-product of some teenage crush? Bella glanced back over at Alice.

"Alright. Go ahead and go in my room, I know that's what you're itching to do," she said watching as Alice's face lit up. "You know me so well! Actually though, I've already looked through your closet and armoire...and frankly I'm disappointed but not surprised. I would've thought that a professional woman like yourself would develop a finer taste in wardrobe selections. What we _need_ to do is go find you some sexy outfits so that you can show off to the werewolf," she wiggled her eyebrows and hips in synchronization. "I'm talking lingerie....the whole nine yards."

"What!? Why in the world would I need linger...ie...I don't think I can do this Alice!." Bella groaned, feeling how her heart was racing at the mere thought of getting Jacob alone to 'show off any lingerie' she may purchase. Alice shook her head. "Don't give me that nonsense, Bella. It's final...I'm already thinking of the shops where we can find authentic French lingerie." she pulled out Bella's cell-phone from her pocket. "Here," she thrusted the phone into Bella's clumsy hands- "Go ahead and call your job. I'll be packing what little we can use from your clothes," and with that she was in the other room in an instant.

She dialed the number slowly, as if in a dream. Someone picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hi, Val? It's Isabella. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about next week..."

* * *

"This is seriously the dumbest thing you ever done. And I mean like...ever, Jacob. I don't see what the point is if your friend shows up or not. You have more important things to worry about...such as the wedding," she said, examining her long nails. "You need a hobby or something. Take up some knitting."

Jacob rolled his eyes down at her, watching as she stirred her daily cup of coffee with the spoon. Sometimes she could be so infuriating. Actually, _a lot_ of times she could be so infuriating.

"I've already told you, she is my friend and I want to see her. There's nothing you can really say to make me feel bad about it, either. She'll be there, so you'll just have to get over it, " he fumed, thinking about why he agreed to this whole thing in the first place. She quickly turned to face him.

"And if I don't want her there?" she hissed, her eyes suddenly on fire. Must've touched a nerve...

"Then you won't be seeing _me_ there. Simple as that." He walked out of the room, still able to hear her curse under her breath- something about a _damn white girl_.

This wasn't going to be easy. No one in his family or the pack really understood how he could just forgive her for leaving so suddenly with the bloodsuckers and never coming back, even for Charlie.

But he did miss her...and he had to see for himself just how she was doing. And everyone needed to make sure they knew their part in all this. He turned to sit back down next to her in the dining room. Her expression was venomous.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? I'm not trying to make you mad or anything. God knows I'd like to keep my testicles attached to me-" she snorted, shaking her head -"but you know how important this is to me. I can't just _not_ invite her," he explained, trying to appeal to her softer side. Her frown faltered just a fraction before she placed her hand on his.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But everyone knows what it's like living with this...damn ghost in your head. Or at least how you have to deal with it. I always hoped that maybe one day for everyone's benefit, you'd be completely over her. It's hard, seeing you like this you know? Every day, it's almost like a little more dies in you. And in case you've forgotten, I know how _that_ feels," she looked him square in the eyes. He saw the reflection of himself in her brown eyes. Admittedly, he couldn't believe how generous she was being about this whole thing. In his mind, this was going to be a far less pleasant conversation. But after having lived with her for a while now, he knew that her bark was worse than her bite. He grabbed her cup of coffee and took a sip, cherishing what would've been scalding hot for most people, as he swallowed it. She snatched the mug back from his grasp.

"You know how you joke around with me about taking my virginity and all...and how I always get mad about it?" he asked, causing her to tilt her head to the side. She nodded. "It's because honestly, I always wished it would've been her. Not that I'm complaining, of course but I just didn't get the chance to experience that kind of thing like...you did." He regretted saying it immediately afterwards. She was not one who liked to live in the past.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have even said that," he said as he shielded his eyes with his hand.

She smirked, starting to inspect her nails again.

"Yeah...sorry kid but you just can't quite measure up to the other two..." she laughed, this time ruffling his hair. It was a comment that seemed more or less normal in their usual banter.

"Nice, Leah...Nice."

* * *

"Could this week have been any longer?"

Bella laughed as she picked up her phone and answered it, it reading 'Alice'.

"You're preaching to the choir...and aren't you supposed to be the patient one? A week to me is like a decade to you. You know, because of the whole short life-span thing?" she answered, as she tried flipping up her tray on the seat in front of her. The tray it seemed, was stuck midway. She tried to wiggle it, still not able to push it all the way back up. With one more good push, she was able to get it back up, before nearly face-planting into it.

"Uh, Bella, are you okay?" came the faint voice through the phone. She sat against her seat, holding the phone to her ear. Good ol' clumsy Bella.

"I'm fine, nothing important. Look, I have to go because we're about to take off here in a minute. I promise I'll call you as soon as I get there, although you'll already know anyway. Oh and can you do me a favor and park my car behind the trash-can. That way I know they'll take the garbage this time. Oh! And can you tell Esme that I brought her sweater with me, the one I borrowed last week?"

"I parked your car at _our_ house, just in case. And I've already told Esme. You'll be fine and we'll be fine obviously. I've got my all-seeing eye on you," she said in her soft voice. Bella smiled into the phone before telling her good-bye and hanging up.

It definitely had been a long week. She wasn't sure if she'd been so stressed because of the workload she actually had to complete before being able to leave New York...or if it were just her nerves. Maybe a combination of the two. Even though she was excited about the trip, there was a nagging feeling underneath telling her to stay put. To just ignore that letter as if she never got it. A survival instinct, she figured...from trying to keep her heart together after losing love twice.

_And they say third time's a charm_, she thought almost bitterly.

Of course there was still some disbelief in her, that she was going back home. She wondered if anything had changed in the years that she'd missed.

If more importantly, he'd changed. It was selfish, yes, but she sincerely hoped that he hadn't. Her old Jacob was just fine, thanks. And yes, she was in some part intimidated of what she'd find, once she made her way to La Push. She had it on good authority that the wolves were not pleased with her for causing such heartbreak to one of their leaders. Not that she can't blame them for feeling that way...but she thought that maybe they would be nicer, or more charitable now that Jacob had found someone else.

Jacob had found someone else...

'_Somehow, I get the feeling that it won't get any easier no matter how many times I say it_,' she thought.

"Good afternoon flyers! This is your Captain speaking- we will be preparing for take-off momentarily. Please direct your attention to the flight attendant in the front of your cabin. They will be showing you the emergency instructions as well as how to properly secure yourself in your seat. Thank you and hope you enjoy your layover flight to Chicago!" the speakers overhead boomed.

Bella sighed, before putting on her seatbelt. Hopefully this whole insane trip thing will make sense to her once she gets there.


	3. Part 3

**A/N: All characters and original plots belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Hey everyone! It wasn't too long of a wait for the next chapter, right? : ) This took a while to concoct, so hopefully this chapter fulfills its' need. I know you people are waiting to find out what is going on with Jacob and Leah...and who the heck is Marie? Well...you will find some of the answers here...and some in the next chapter. For this chapter, I really relied on a couple of songs that helped me write it. They are "Santa Monica" by Everclear and "Sort Of" by Silversun Pickups, both kind of from Jacob's POV. You should check them out, they really flow with parts of this chapter. Okay that's it! Please read and review! ENJOY.**

* * *

"I swear Leah, if you don't start picking up after yourself I'm going to have to rethink this living arrangement."

Something red and lacy went soaring by, before being snatched up in mid-air by fingernails coated with chipped, purple nail-polish.

"Face it, Black; your life would be boring without me. I have to keep up spirits around here and all that," Leah said as she inspected her undergarment with a smirk. Jacob leaned back out of the bathroom, rolling his eyes at her. "Yeah, spirits. The only spirits you keep up are the ones of our ancestors when you sing your favorite 'angry rocker girl' music in the shower. Loudly. And _badly_," he replied, emphasizing the last part. She shook her head and continued on folding the towels. He knew that this wasn't your typical room-mate situation; most people who lived together weren't also part of the same wolfpack as well. But did she need to leave her bras on the doorknob in the bathroom after every. single. shower? He knew it shouldn't bother him- not to mention he had seen her undergarments more times than he could count...and more so from being flung across the room, than being left on a doorknob.

Yes, Jacob could stop acting like a prude when it came down to it; it was just a bra afterall. '_But that's Leah. Not all women are so show-offy and casual about stuff like this._ _Hell, I'm sure Bella probably has some drawer that's kept under lock and key where she puts all of her bras and pan- Damnit, I'm doing it again,_' he sighed, as he returned to cleaning. It seemed that no matter what he did, Bella never strayed too far from his mind, even after this long without so much as a word from her....And now, she would be returning to the West Coast. Without the love of her life...and he had no idea what he was going to say to her, now that she agreed to come back.

Leah laughed as she walked over to where Embry was cleaning in the living room. The lame part, he realized, was that Leah knew just how to get to Jacob. And she liked to provoke him, as if they were still kids running around on the beach. Little sarcastic comments that most men might find charming; Jake just found annoying. Sometimes he had to wonder what it was that made him want to get with her in the first place. But he stopped short of going down that road; he knew what drove him to her.

They shared that same kind of deep loneliness that they couldn't seem to shake. And to be honest- he knew she was over Sam...and was happier now than ever. But he really couldn't say the same about him and his feelings for Bella.

Just then the phone rang, interrupting Jacob's thoughts as he was scrubbing down the sink in their bathroom. After the third ring, he leaned back out to yell to Leah to pick up the damn phone, before he heard her speak into the cordless.

"Hey Chief Swan...I'm not doing too bad, how about yourself? Oh...ha, I heard about that from my Mom. Yeah, she told me yesterday when I....oh really? Did you need to speak to Jake-...Oh. Oh...okay. Of course, I'll let him know once I see him again...No problem...Uh-huh....Bye." Leah slammed the phone back down onto the charger, knocking the whole thing off of the small table.

"What was that all about?" Jacob called out, wringing out the rag he was using to clean with. As if they weren't in crabby enough moods about it being cleaning day...he definitely didn't need to deal with a full-blown 'Leah attitude' on top of it.

She appeared in the doorway before he called out to her again. Looking up, he noticed the way her jaw was tightened, how her stance was too aloof and how her eyes were narrowed at him. She wasn't mad at _him,_ no, but she was clearly upset about something.

"Something wrong?" he asked, watching as she was trying to word whatever it was. When Leah couldn't put into words how she felt, he knew he should be somewhat alarmed. Because she was never one to be rendered speechless. About anything.

Unfortunately for him, a loud splintering noise came from the living room, interrupting her.

"Jesus Christ! _Embry_!" Leah yelled, wheeling back around the corner.

"Sorry! I was just trying to dust the table...And this pot must not have liked how I was doing business," Embry replied, wincing at her, waiting for the lashing that they both knew was coming. "So my Old Grandma's pot tried to 'rumble' with you? Is that what you're saying? She made this pot just for me when I was a baby! How am I going to fix this!? Or better yet, how the hell are _you_ going to fix it?" she screeched, trying to clean up what remained of the colored clay pot.

"Alright, alright-" Jacob said, standing in between the two of them, "-retract the claws, Leah. Save the fighting for your patrol tonight." It was a wonder he could stand living with them half the time- the way they always fought. Leah made a face at him as Embry starting sweeping the pieces into his hands.

If it weren't for the fact that everyone in the pack could see each other's thoughts while in wolf-form, he'd have to wonder about Embry and Leah. From the outside, it appeared that they just didn't get along so well. But if people looked closer, (which is hard considering how intimidating the pack looked, even as humans) they would see how she tends to position herself right next to him no matter what...how sometimes Leah will lean her head up against Embry's shoulder and smile and also...also when they thought no one was really paying attention, they'd start laughing and whispering stuff in each other's ear. Like there wasn't anyone else around. They weren't the types of people to really go out and parade their relationship around like the other guys and their imprints did...Embry and Leah tried to be more hush-hush about themselves. Thus, leading to them being the funniest scandal in the pack.

One day, about three or so months after Jacob and Leah decided to just stay friends and break the 'friends with benefits' deal they had going, Embry came up to him. Immediately, he knew it was about a woman...just by the way he was so jittery and shaky. Embry tended to be more on the shy side when it came to the females...and Jake- well, he didn't seem to have _any_ side when it came to them. Unless he was having sex with Leah just because, women didn't have much of an effect on him.

'Jake, man I don't know what to do! I can't just go up to her and tell her that she's all I've been thinking about lately. She'd probably...I don't know...put her cigarette out in my eye or something,' he'd said, not too far from the truth in fact.

'Yeah, she does have a theatrical way about her. But I don't understand...you guys don't talk much, do you? I mean, I never see just the two of you aside somewhere, or too close to each other, really. Do you think she might like you, too?'

'Doubtful...'

Somehow a few weeks later, everyone had the not-so-fun treat of seeing their first date replayed back in their own heads. Especially when it wasn't really a date but more of a hanging out at Sam and Emily's place. One thing was made certain after that; Leah was not to be messed with and they were not allowed to be alone or anywhere near Sam & Emily's bed.

"Jake. Jake....Jake! Snap out of it, dude."

Jacob looked back to see Leah and Embry both staring at him as if he were a circus side-show. "What?" he lowered his gaze as he shrugged. "You were spacing out again...you're not going to pull that weird crap at our wedding, are you?" Leah asked, eyeing him suspiciously. He shook his head, before walking out onto their porch for some much needed fresh air. The bleach fumes in the bathroom were starting to get to him, he figured.

The wind started to pick up as he stretched his arms out in front of him, watching the tendons flex in his forearms. It'd been a couple of days since he had been running and he needed to phase to get away from his thoughts for a while. It felt like sometimes that was how everyone liked him best- all business and no moping or spacing out. The Jacob that got stuff accomplished and didn't complain about anything.

He wasn't always wishing for things to be different; he knew a lost cause when he saw one...for the most part. But Jacob couldn't help but feel slightly bitter around happy people; they reminded him of his sunny, happy self. The self that made him who he was, but also the self that now haunted him. He wasn't even good enough to be considered a ghost of that person...he was now someone else, entirely.

Despite her obvious werewolf grace, Jacob heard Leah as she strolled up next to him, leaning on the porch rail. She pursed her lips and glared out at the sunshine that was now peeking through the clouds.

"I'm not sure how to put this, even though I know that _you_ knew this was coming..." she started, watching as his dark brows knitted in confusion.

"Wait, what?" he asked, leaning next to her. "Just shut up for a second, Black; hear me out. It will probably come as no surprise to you, that your lovely Bella Swan will be arriving in Seattle any minute. Charlie called and told me this much. And I know you have this whole unrequited love thing going on, that your sad heart is still pining for her et cetera-et cetera, after all this time. And I get it, I do...well...I don't get your choice, as much as I get your situation anyway, but-"

"Get to the point, Leah," he growled, already not liking where this conversation was heading. Even though at the mention of Bella's name he felt like his heart was grabbing for something and coming up empty.

"_But_, you should be prepared for the worst, Jake. Seriously. I mean she may not even be the same person you remember. She's hopefully grown up and got some damn sense in her brain by now, which would drastically change her personality, of course. And you aren't the same either, you know," she explained, looking him in the eyes with a sort of understanding and sadness, at the last part. He cringed inwardly, knowing that deep down, she was right. This whole thing was crazy and he hadn't even _seen_ her yet.

"I know...Don't you think I know that? God, I mean...you would think I'd be over it by now, right?" he laughed bitterly, shaking his head. Leah frowned, before looking away to the ground. "I really don't even know what got into me, to write to her- to spin her a web of bullshit to see if it even made a difference to her. Like it mattered- she made her choice a long time ago. And that choice certainly wasn't _me_. She. Left. I. Stayed. And now here I am, awaiting her arrival, to see what? To see if I can stand some more torture? To see how far I can push myself before I snap? The thing is though, is that she will be here...and I don't know how to explain to her that I'm still the same heartbroken, miserable, pathetic chump that she left behind in the first place...much less that I'm not getting married. So yeah, I know; I'm in deep...and I'm the one who put myself there and no, I have no idea how to pull myself out," he released his grip on the wooden rail, leaving behind indentations of his fingers.

"We can still make this work...that is, if you want to." Leah placed her hand on his, squeezing his fist. Jacob looked down at her and cocked his head to the side.

"What do you mean, exactly?" he asked.

"You know it's funny...how...that you picked that name. Because my middle name happens to be Marie," she winked at him, gesturing for them to go over into the woods.

* * *

He was the only one standing there at Gate 7, who wasn't pressed closely against another person deboarding her plane. The same faded blue flannel shirt that Renee bought him the year before they left. Jeans that showed their wear and the muddy black boots he always wore on duty. Bella smiled wide as she took in the familiar sight of her father.

Charlie stood there, leaning up against the directory sign holding what appeared to be a small helium balloon on a stick. Once she got closer she was able to see it more clearly; it read 'Happy 1st Birthday!' complete with a pink teddy bear playing with baby blocks. Her eyes welled up with tears as she saw her Dad recognize her out of the crowd. His eyes lit up at first, before becoming rimmed with red. She wasn't the only one who was emotional about this particular reunion. She nodded to the balloon and he shrugged as she came to stand three feet in front of him.

"Happy First Birthday?" she laughs, wanting to go in for the hug, but knowing that they were always a little stiff about physical affection- her and Charlie.

"Yeah, well, it was the only balloon they had left at the gift shop so I, uh...got it for you. Little homecoming present, you know," Charlie replied gruffly, before she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I missed you too, Dad," she laughed as the tears spilled down her cheeks. He nodded, embracing her too, patting her back reassuringly.

And for once in a long time, Bella felt at home.

The room was still the same- most of it untouched. Sure, Charlie had gone in there from time to time- mostly to put some of his overflow of random things into her closet. But it was still pretty much the way she left it, at almost nineteen. What Bella hadn't expected though, was of the room to still smell like Edward, even just the faintest trace. If anything, it shouldn't smell like _him_...She slowly sat down on her bed, slumping to the floor as she remembered her last night in the room. And of course, the last person who had been in her room before she left for college...

##################

Her suitcases were already downstairs, full of paperback versions of her favorite books, clothes and accessories. Even a curling iron, just in case. She couldn't help but glance around the room, taking in the last moments of her high school years. The pictures of all of her friends from Forks High, the picture of her and Alice standing in Alice's room as they candidly flipped through magazines...of course the many pictures of her and Edward plastered all over the place. And the one picture of her and her best friend, standing by the motorcycles in the garage- Bella's arm around Jacob's waist. She couldn't remember if it was Quil or Embry who took that picture, but they were laughing- talking about how this was 'physical evidence of teenage debauchery.' Jacob's teeth gleamed brightly next to his deeply tanned skin, his hair still long and half pulled back. Bella looked...well...like a different person. Haunted, but healing.

She turned to close both of the windows in her room when she heard someone call her name from outside. She peeked over the ledge to see Jacob standing there motioning for her to stay put. He hopped on the lowest brach of the tree outside, managing to upright himself just inside the window- like the first time he was in her room. Bella sighed as she sat back on her bed, her shoulders starting to shake as she felt the sobs begging to come out. She couldn't do this again; she couldn't keep telling Jake 'bye.' Once was bad enough. Now, she'd been caught trying to take the cowardly way out...

Jacob crossed the room and sat on the bed a good distance from her, causing the bed to squeak. The atmosphere seemed to change in an instant- an accusation clearly starting to form in Jacob's angered eyes. After a few moments, he spoke.

"You...you're leaving tonight, aren't you?" he asked, pausing for her to answer...and when she didn't move, didn't say a word, he glared down at the floor, nodding. "I see. I mean...I guess it's easier to just leave. And not have to worry about saying good-bye to anyone. It makes sense, I guess," the words tumbled out of his mouth, sounding all sorts of wrong and forced. Bella whimpered and went to scoot closer to him before he held his hand out to stop her. "Don't," his mouth barely moved. A rip that Bella was so sure could be heard by everyone else tore right down the center of her heart. She looked away and bit her lip, trying to preserve her dignity by not losing control of her sobs.

"Aren't you going to say anything Bella? Don't you have something to say to me? Anything?" he pressed, his eyes blazing wildly. She saw the abundance of questions behind his words and swimming unabashedly in his eyes. She winced and nodded quickly, twisting her engagement ring around her finger.

"Jake, I know how this looks. But...but I did it so that it wasn't so sad. I don't want you to be so sad and lonely-feeling but I-"

"Oh! You're worried about me! Well that's real _kind_ of you and all Bells, but you don't need to worry about _my_ feelings. Although I'm a little surprised that you are thinking about them at all, at this point," he hissed, standing up and staring pointedly at her.

"No, Jake...it's not like that, no! I mean it is, but I'm just...this is all me. This is about me being selfish because _I_ don't want to be sad and lonely-feeling when I said good-bye to you. Because I will be and I'm too chicken to want to feel that when I go," she cried out, her eyes pleading with him. He turned to face away from her, looking out her window. She heard him sigh.

"Look Bella. I understand that you want to make it easier to deal with on yourself...but you should've known that _I'd want to say good-bye to you _before you leave. And if it weren't for the fact that I have some sort of possible weird e.s.p. thing with you, I wouldn't have known to come here. And you would've been gone by the time I'd be stopping by tomorrow. Do you know what that...how that...I don't even know. You obviously don't get it- so I'm not going to waste my time trying to break it down for you."

"You think you're...wasting your time here, with me?" she asked, feeling his words stab deep.

He looked back at her with a gaze that softened as he took in the wet, red-faced mess that she was. He pivoted and was suddenly kneeling in front of her, holding her hand like old times and rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles. "No, that's not what I think. It's just that...well, you know how I feel about you. And I know that it doesn't make a difference one way or another...I'll just miss you, is all. And not being able to see you one last time...it would've nearly killed me, Bells," he spoke softly, his voice sounding almost garbled at the end. She laid her head on his shoulder and cried harder, wondering why she always made things more difficult. Always.

"I don't want to make this harder on you...so I'll go ahead and go. You'll be fine. You're a tough chick...you run with vampires afterall," he attempted to smile. Her eyes swam more and more with his words that become softer-spoken. "But Bells just know that...I...I love you. And I'm really going to miss seeing you all the time." He kissed her forehead and let his lips linger there for a moment, sizzling her skin. She felt the tears that were not from her own eyes and looked up to see his shining like hers. He stood up in one fluid motion and he paused a moment, to look back at the only picture that was in a frame in her room, up against her alarm clock. The one of them by the bikes. He smiled and went to the window. Even though he was facing away, she could see clearly the way his face was screwed up and the effort it took to finally utter-

"See ya, honey."

And with that, he was gone- out the window and into the trees. Bella felt the color wash out of her face as she wondered how this could possibly be happening. Downstairs, Edward called out to her.

"I love you too, Jake, " she whispered hoarsely, before wiping her wet face with her sleeve and heading out the bedroom door.

#################################

Bella blinked quickly as the sunlight filtered in through her blinds. How long had she been sleeping? And what time was it when she first fell asleep? There were birds chirping near her window and the smell of coffee wafted into her room. She sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes, scanning the room as they adjusted to the brightness. Charlie appeared at the door, holding a steaming mug. She grinned as he brought it over to her. "Thought you might need some joe to wake you up," he said handing her the cup. Bella nodded as she took a few sips, smiling back at him. "Good to know your memory's still sharp," she said, inhaling the scent of it as he chuckled. "Hey, let's not be so quick with the geezer jokes, alright? I just got you back here, remember?" He sat down next to her. Bella felt a small sting in his words even though they weren't meant to harm her. "Sorry," she mumbled, taking in another sip.

"So any plans for this weekend? I told you that me and Sue are heading out the flea market in Port Angeles, right? On Sunday?" he asked. Bella shrugged, not sure if she wanted to divulge the fact that she hadn't really thought that far ahead. "Yeah you told me about that," was all she said. Charlie nodded, not noticing her avoidance of his question.

"Yeah, I'm only going because Sue has this fascination with people's old junk...I don't get it, myself...but what can you do, right?" he laughed, shaking his head to himself. Bella smiled at this. The man that was sitting next to her today was still the same one she left at home, only happier. And a lot less lonelier, thanks to Sue Clearwater. She knew that marriage probably wasn't in the cards for them, but it was clear to her that her father was smitten. And even though she didn't know Sue that well, she knew that she was good for Charlie. He had been smiling more, laughing more and even humming when he didn't realize it- and this was only the things she was picking up on in the past twenty-four hours! Love changed people, and luckily it wasn't always for the worse. At this, she couldn't help but start to think about one of the reasons why she was here to begin with.

"Hey Dad?" she asked, placing her mug on the night stand. He looked at her.

"How is...How is Billy doing?" Of course her father picked right up on the meaning behind this question.

"He's doing pretty good- same as usual. A few months ago he had to go into the hospital for his diabetes, though. Had to up his medication for it, in fact," he answered, pausing only a moment before adding, "Yeah, Jacob felt pretty bad about not living in the house with him when it happened. He kind of feels a little responsible for it even, I think." Bella's eyes flickered over to the picture again. Charlie told her about Billy before, but he never mentioned that Jacob wasn't there. She always figured that he was- not taking into account that he's twenty-three and probably not living with his Dad. She thought that he'd stay to help take care of Billy.

"So he is living somewhere else, then? Still in La Push, right?" She caught Charlie's mouth twitch in response.

"Yeah, they just moved into a house edged right next to the forest, on the opposite end of the reservation. I've been there a couple of times, myself. And let me tell you what, that boy can whip up a mean stew- just like his Mom always could. Hell, sometimes I see him standing there and think how Sarah is probably singing his praises right now. He's got a good head on his shoulders, you know. He seems a little lost sometimes, but he's a good man. Sue thinks pretty highly of him too," he said, starting to get up from the bed. Her heart swelled up at the thought of him, especially doing something she knew he had to have learned after she left. She felt in a way....sort of proud that she was friends with him...even back then. Then she remembered that Charlie said 'they,' and her curiosity got the best of her.

"They? Did he...does he live with someone? I mean, I only ask because he wrote me a letter-" the blush was rising up her neck slowly "-and he mentioned something about a Marie?" Charlie looked at her, taking in her flustered appearance and shrugged. "Well I don't know about a Marie, but I could be wrong...I'm not the best with names anyhow. But he moved in with a friend of his a year ago I think- you remember Embry Call, right?" he replied. Bella could feel the sigh of relief aching to escape her lungs. She nodded quickly. "Yeah, Embry is one of his best friends. That's good that he was able to go out on his own, though."

"Yeah, although I'm sure it got quite a bit more crowded when Leah moved in with them," he agreed, causing Bella's eyes to widen.

"Leah?" she repeated. There was no way in _hell_ that Jacob would ever want to room with Leah Clearwater- that much she was sure of.

"She moved in a few months ago, I think. Sue says she's been a lot happier since then, too," Charlie nodded, looking at his watch. She couldn't figure out in her mind why Leah was staying with Jacob and Embry, even if they were in the pack together. Something wasn't adding up right...He smiled and headed towards the hall. "I would say I'd make you some breakfast, but I have a feeling you don't like over-cooked omelettes."

"You are correct. I have to get up and take a shower anyway, but I'll come down once I'm done and make you the omelettes. Just maybe not so much on the 'over-cooked' side, okay?" she laughed. Charlie winked at her before heading out.

"Dad?" she called out to him. He peered back around the corner.

"Yeah, Bells?" he asked as she looked down at the bracelet that had been hanging from her wrist since she'd left.

"I'm sorry I haven't been home, you know...I...Things were really complicated and..." she sighed- "I know that that's _no excuse_ for not coming to see you. I can't even begin to...apologize enough to you for that. But I didn't do it to hurt you...or anyone else for that matter. I've really missed just being able to talk to you. What little bit we do manage to chat about...it's nice." she said, eyeing how her father was now hovering awkwardly in her doorway. He looked like he was unsure of what to say.

"You're here now, kid. That's all that matters to me," he replied, before rounding the corner again. Bella smiled sadly, wishing that she really believed him. Because deep down, she knew that her lack of presence here at the house was hard for Charlie to go through all over again. And she hadn't made it any easier by never coming around...

Bella winced as Charlie once more started raving about the Mariner's pitching a no-hitter. On the other side of him was Sue, who's kind eyes were crinkled from her laughing at his antics. Bella wasn't really watching the game but was more so paying attention to Sue and how she seemed around her father. The way she held his hand and leaned on his shoulder was so alien to her...She about how odd this must look from the outside. Sue was one of Charlie's best friend's wives, or she had been. And here they were, only one inning away from practically making out. She wasn't sure how to handle the fact that someone else beside her own mother was sitting here with Charlie...or that Charlie was showing affection for another female. It was childish to feel that way, she knew, but she had that jealous tendency in her always. And she'd never seen another woman loving on her father.

Once they 'retired' for the night and Bella's shock of this wore off, she let her own thoughts wonder to Jacob Black.

She thought about how strange it would be to see them all again; not only Jake, but the Pack as well. None of them would have aged and they would all still look like teenagers. Even Jacob. Bella hoped that if she did become brave enough to go speak with him, she'd be able to keep a handle on her emotions. Especially since she was pretty sure that Jacob wouldn't be that happy with her. '_He said he needed me...he begged me to come back here to be there for him,' _she thought as she turned the television off. It was seven years almost to the day, since Bella left. She'd be twenty-six in less than three weeks...so she knew she had to grow up and stop acting like this- she needed to just grow a set and go see him tomorrow, while Charlie and Sue were out. Sure, the words sounded easy enough in her head, but it would take a miracle for her to not feel so on edge at the thought of seeing Jacob again.

When she climbed into her bed, she thought more about how different her life could be right now, had she chose Jacob to begin with. She probably still would've went to school in New York...but she would also be sleeping in Jacob's warm arms right now instead of some other lucky girl. To help her fall asleep, Bella imagined Jacob's arms wrapped around her tightly, his soothing deep breathing in her ear. She imagined the feel of his chest up against hers, him craning his neck so that he could reach her lips...aching at the thought of the rest of his body being so close to her. Bella groaned as she hit herself in the head with a small pillow.

'_This is definitely not going to help me sleep_,' she thought before realizing that maybe it just might. She took a deep breath and sighed as she began to think these dangerous thoughts more clearly about him, trying not to rush her need for release of this frustration. Her fingers naturally had a mind of their own, but paired with the fact that she hadn't had sex in almost two years, much less with Jacob at all...she almost forgot to breathe. After a few minutes of having Jacob all to herself, she cried out, trying to quickly muffle her moans with her blanket. Afterall, she wasn't at her apartment alone, anymore. But just as she thought, her body seemed to relax some and she was able to fall asleep. Bella smiled at the fact that she could at least have him in her thoughts and dreams....

* * *

Jacob felt the sweat drip from his forehead as he rolled to his back. He groaned as the sudden rush of blood left his extremities, leaving him feeling vulnerable and ashamed, yet again. A small, delicate hand creeped over across his chest before resting there. He glanced down, immediately wanting to remove it, to remove himself from this stupidity.

"Mmm, that was nice," she giggled, before trying to roll back on top of him like earlier. He tried to stop it, but he couldn't help the fact that he rose up again, like it was back from the dead, waiting for round four...or five, (he had lost count). She was small and pretty, with hair that was almost as dark as Bella's, but with bigger breasts, thicker hips and a belly-button ring. She wiggled herself over him, giggling down at him, before positioning herself back overtop of him, plunging downward. His breath caught in his throat as she began to ride him with a force that made his eyes want to roll to the back of his head. He remembered somehow, as the shine from the barbell in her navel caught his attention, that this is not who he wanted, even though his body was doing just fine with a substitute. Jake was always having to remind himself that it didn't matter who he wanted...but Bella didn't have a belly-button ring...or at least he didn't think so. And he couldn't really pretend that those almost D-cups were her small, ample breasts, nor her tanned wide hips were Bella's petite pale ones. He couldn't pretend with this girl...and now that he really thought about it; he didn't want to anymore.

"I gotta get up and get a shower," he said, trying to grasp her hips to lift her off of him. She moaned and writhed some more on him, smiling and saying something about joining him, in her high-pitched voice. Jacob gritted his teeth and finally managed to pull her off, telling her she should probably go. The girl huffed, before hopping off of his bed and grabbing her clothes. "That's fine. I have more important things to do anyway," she stated, before throwing on her tank top and jeans.

After she was gone and he was sitting there for a little while, Jacob hung his head, wondering more so about Bella and whether she really planned on seeing him. He sighed and grabbed the nearest pair of his ragged shorts. He did know one thing though; deep down, he hoped she did.


End file.
